Out Of Kilter

So I have an ant problem in my house. The problem is, the ants are all chilling by my washing machine, the one for clothes. Normally, I’d call an exterminator, or devise some elaborate and dangerous plan to kill the ants, but I’m thinking twice. I figure, if these ants are so stupid that they want to eat my laundry detergent and Bounce fabric softener strips, I should let them. Maybe they will keep other, smarter ants from finding their way into my kitchen.

This has to be the creepiest news I’ve read all year… and believe me, I’ve read some pretty creepy shit.

So, the Out of Kilter crew has been playing the shit out of our new Wii. We snagged the tiny white treasure during a pre-dawn raid at Wal-Mart; fighting off the knuckle-dragging, blue-vested monsters in a dungeon crawling performance worthy of any import RPG. We’ll get back to posting those mildly funny links in no time though, since the novelty of actually doing physical movement will hopefully wear off shortly.

[insert picture of a hot chick and/or passé web meme; add in alt-text analogizing obscure historical reference with pop culture inside joke]

Stephen & Damien “Jr. Gong” Marley are putting on a free show this Tuesday (5/29), courtesy of MySpace and some other people. Unless you’ve been living with the Taliban, Damien’s album Welcome to Jamrock was the hottest shit to drop in 1928 years. The dude put Bobby “Cracked out So Bad Whitney Actually Left Him” Brown on that album. The dude keeps his company in Miami. The dude rocks beats like rocks rock geologists, and that’s Gospel.

Studio A
60 NE 11th Street
Miami, FL 33132

Doors open@ 8:00 pm

So the Out of Kilter crew got ourselves a Nintendo Wii to add to the many reasons why we don’t want to leave the house. I’d have to say my initial impressions are that it’s a very cool unit, but the graphics are about as good as something from 5 years ago.

The controls are difficult, but interesting, and the size of the actual console itself is remarkably small, considering stuff like internal memory space and built-in Wi-Fi. However, it’s super tiny because it doesn’t support HDTV, and from the looks of the Wii Sports, Wii Play, and Zelda we bought for it, it might not even support SVGA.

The new project from Clark Duke and Michael Cera debuted on their website ClarkandMichael yesterday. For those who don’t know, these two cats have a Top 24 spot on the Out of Kilter MySpace friends list, so you know they’re quality. As for the new show, I’d say it’s the same awkward/sublime comedy that will keep you laughing when you’re not wincing.

I’d say it belongs on TV, but if America didn’t want to watch Arrested Development (even after it won two fucking Emmys) then I don’t know if it will ever get a shot. The guys have talent, but with today’s small screen market, I think they might have to settle for a web-based following… unless Ted Turner calls back.

It’s been a week since our last post, and I’ll bet a lot of you thought this cowboy got clipped by that wannabe Gotty. But here’s the catch kids; no one rolls heavier than a nutcase like me - and that’s Gospel. Ever since that Pirates of the Caribbean movie started flashing trailers, I’ve been seeing pirates everywhere. Some of it is linked to the movie, but some of it isn’t;

Somalia’s got some pirates (they steal food, but whatever, they still have parrots)

Scientists find out sharks can fucking multiply without sex (sharks, especially randomly breeding sharks, are very pirate-related)

Tampa-based treasure hunters claim to find $500 million in shipwreck. (it’s unrelated, but Disney still bought the rights to any possible film)

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer calls out Bill Gates on his bullshit, putting his old claims about technology and the future to the test. (Bill Gates, like the ninja, is a classic enemy of the pirate)

On the 40th anniversary of Israel taking back Jerusalem from the Muslims, I think it’s time to ask a question as important as the Israel/Palestine conflict; In light of the recent attack on mix tapes in the Hip-Hop/Rap community, was it really such a good idea for King-Mag to hire Gotty and the crew from The Smoking Section? You may know Gotty from his comment section throw-down with Byron Crawford, who infamously asked, “aren’t you a fucking bootlegger?” And in case you were wondering, the answer is yes; he is a [fucking] bootlegger.

Today’s Gully Calculator looks at this incident in Kansas;

+1 living in Leavenworth, Kansas; home to a military prison and gunslingers
+1 robbing a store
-2 it was a Dollar Store
+1 used a gat
-1 it was a squirt gun
-1 needed a partner
-1 even with a partner, the clerk still fought back
+3 you’re only 14 years old
+5 your partner was 11 years old
=
6 - hardcore, but not historic